Honest communication is essential to surviving an adulterous affair. Being able to calmly and openly express your feelings, disappointments, frustrations and anxieties will require sincere effort and self control. Sometimes it is better to delay saying something you might regret later. Think before you speak! Are you wanting to get a jab in to hurt your partner for hurting you? This will only further alienate your partner. Personally I tell myself, “If I can’t say something nice or positive don’t say anything at all”. This really works. Saying something in anger many times brings feelings of regret later when you think, “I shouldn’t have said that!”. Remember YOU CAN NOT TAKE BACK ANY WORDS YOU SAY; you can only apologize for saying them. The hurt your words caused will remain.
This is extremely hard to do if your partner is saying harsh, hateful or unkind things to you. Perhaps the offending partner is putting all the blame on you, telling you, “You don’t give me any attention; you’re always too tired; you didn’t do this or that; you’re a lousy housekeeper; you’re a bad provider; you’re a bad parent, etc… First of all IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO! Meaning that some or all of the complaints may be legitimate but these in themselves DO NOT justify adultery. It is your partners’ guilt that causes him/her to push all the blame onto you. If you are in a marital relationship think back on the Vows you said to each other. You each promised to love and cherish each other for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. If one partner has tarnished these Vows by committing adultery, the Vows have not been taken seriously!
If your partner is truly remorseful of their behavior they should be willing to sit down and openly discuss what lead to this event. We are all imperfect and we all make mistakes. What matters is what we do to prevent making the same mistake again. This requires good communication between the couple. Honest communication means discussing all aspects of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. You cannot think, “ My partner should know I feel this way!” If your thoughts are not spoken then they can not be understood by any other human being, they are only in YOUR head!
It is necessary for the healing process to begin so your life will have meaning once again. Yes, it is possible to get past this. It is going to take time and heartfelt effort. Once you are able to understand what is needed to mend your broken heart and spirit, your journey can begin. As your feelings, emotions and expectations become clear, the ability to come to terms with the situation will take shape. Your relationship can be saved. You have the choice. Please rest assured adultery survival is possible… you can survive infidelity. You are not alone. Help is available.
